Last week I recorded a podcast with my co-host and two guests to discuss one of the articles featured in the latest edition of Buzz, the peer-led harm reduction magazine.
It was a great conversation and, as often happens, one particular part of the discussion played on my mind long after we finished recording.
We were talking about engagement with LGBTQ+ communities and some of the uncertainty people can experience when they’re worried about using the wrong language, getting terminology wrong or inadvertently causing offence.
We talked about the impact this can have on people’s confidence.
Sometimes people become so worried about saying the wrong thing that they avoid saying anything at all.
Or they convince themselves that they need to become an expert before they’re able to engage meaningfully.
The result is that the person in front of them can become secondary to their own anxiety about getting it right.
As we talked, I realised there are strong parallels with the work I see in drug services.
The pressure to know everything
Over the years, I’ve noticed a growing belief that people working in services should know everything.
Every substance. Every effect. Every trend. Every piece of emerging evidence.
Of course, having knowledge is important.
People should be informed and competent in the areas they work within.
But sometimes I wonder whether we’ve unintentionally created a culture where people feel they need to be experts before they can have a conversation.
I’ve met workers who worry about asking questions because they feel they should already know the answers.
I’ve seen people hesitate to explore a topic because they’re concerned about exposing gaps in their knowledge.
And I’ve watched confidence disappear because someone believes they should be able to understand every aspect of another person’s experience before they’ve even engaged with them.
The reality that we need to accept is that none of us know everything.
And perhaps more importantly, we don’t need to.
Curiosity over perfection
One of the things coaching has reinforced for me is the power of curiosity.
When we stop worrying about having all the answers, we create space to ask better questions.
Instead of trying to demonstrate expertise, we become interested in understanding.
Instead of assuming, we explore. Instead of speaking, we listen.
Curiosity allows us to move towards people rather than away from them.
It creates opportunities for genuine connection because the focus shifts from ourselves to the person in front of us.
What is their experience? What matters to them?
What can they teach us about their world?
Those questions are often far more valuable than trying to prove what we already know.
Being human first
I sometimes think we’ve overcomplicated what good support looks like.
Whether it’s healthcare, social care, leadership, coaching or public services, the thing people most often remember isn’t the policy, process or intervention.
It’s how they were treated.
Time and time again, when people reflect on positive experiences, they talk about relationships.
They talk about feeling listened to.
Feeling respected.
Feeling understood.
Feeling like someone genuinely cared.
That doesn’t happen because someone had perfect knowledge.
It happens because someone showed up as a human being.
Someone was willing to listen, to learn.
Someone was willing to say, “I don’t know, but I’d like to understand.”
The fear of getting it wrong
I wonder if, in some spaces, we’ve become so focused on avoiding mistakes that we’ve accidentally created a fear of engagement.
People become worried about saying the wrong thing.
Using the wrong language. Asking the wrong question.
Not being knowledgeable enough.
People are far more perceptive than we often give them credit for. They can sense when someone is anxious about getting it right, and that anxiety can quickly become contagious. Instead of creating connection, it can make both people more guarded, shutting down the very conversation that might have helped build understanding in the first place.
It’s fair to say that when fear replaces curiosity, people withdraw. Relationships become more superficial and opportunities to learn from one another are lost.
Of course, we should strive to be respectful.
We should be open to feedback. We should continue learning.
But perhaps we also need to give ourselves permission to be human.
To acknowledge that we won’t always get everything right and that we’re all fallible.
To accept that learning often happens through conversation rather than before it.
Staying curious
One of the most useful lessons I’ve learned throughout my career is that people rarely expect perfection.
What they often value is authenticity.
They value honesty. They value genuine interest.
And they value being treated as partners rather than problems to be solved.
Whether we’re supporting people who use drugs, engaging with LGBTQ+ communities, leading teams or coaching colleagues, I think the same principle applies.
We don’t need to know everything.
We do need to stay curious.
Curiosity builds understanding.
Understanding builds relationships.
And relationships are often where meaningful change begins.