This week I had a meeting with someone who reminded me exactly what I admire in leadership.
Without realising it, she left me feeling energised, motivated and reflecting on the people I’ve been fortunate enough to work alongside throughout my career.
It got me reflecting on the qualities that stay with us long after the meeting, or encounter or whatever else, has finished.
The disruptors
I absolutely love seeing women disruptors.
When I say disruptors, I don’t mean people who enjoy causing conflict or creating division for the sake of it.
I mean people who are willing to go out on a limb.
People who are prepared to challenge the status quo.
People who speak with conviction because they care deeply about a cause, even when doing so makes them unpopular.
There’s a quiet confidence about leaders like that.
They don’t need to be the loudest person in the room.
They don’t resort to personal attacks or disrespect.
They simply know what they stand for and are prepared to stand there, even when it isn’t easy.
When I’ve been in the company of someone like this or watched them in action, I always leave feeling inspired.
Strength comes in different forms
Over the years, I’ve admired all sorts of leadership styles.
Some people have an incredible ability to remain calm under pressure. No matter how difficult the situation becomes, they somehow create a sense of steadiness around them.
Others are relentless in the best possible way. They’re tenacious, resilient and fiercely committed to improving things, yet never lose their respect for the people around them.
Then there are the people who are genuine cheerleaders.
The leaders who celebrate other people’s success without feeling threatened by it.
Who open doors.
Who recommend colleagues.
Who are genuinely really happy when someone else does well.
I don’t think we talk enough about how powerful that quality is.
What we admire in others
I’ve realised over the years that every leader I’ve admired has influenced me in some way.
Sometimes I’ve consciously adopted qualities I’d like to develop in myself.
Sometimes I’ve watched someone handle a difficult conversation and thought, I’d love to be able to do that.
Other times I’ve witnessed leadership that made me think the exact opposite and known immediately that isn’t how I want people to experience me.
Those times have been just as valuable.
Leadership isn’t developed only by replicating the qualities of the people we admire.
Sometimes it’s shaped by deciding what we’re definitely unwilling to become.
The trap of comparison
One thing I notice in coaching is how often leaders compare themselves to other people.
They’ll say things like:
“I’m not confident enough.”
“I’m too quiet.”
“I’m not assertive enough.”
“I’m too passionate.”
The interesting thing is that the very quality they’re worried about is often the thing someone else admires most about them.
The thoughtful leader wishes they were more outspoken.
The outspoken leader wishes they listened more.
The calm leader worries they don’t show enough passion.
The passionate leader worries they’re too intense…
Perhaps we’re all spending too much time trying to become someone else’s version of a good leader.
Finding your own style
I’ve borrowed ideas from countless people throughout my career.
I’m sure I always will.
But I’ve also realised that trying to copy someone else’s leadership style never quite fits.
The most effective leaders I’ve met all have something in common.
They’re authentic.
Their leadership reflects who they are, not who they think they’re supposed to be.
That doesn’t mean they stop learning.
Far from it.
It means they’re confident enough to take inspiration from others without losing themselves in the process.
Becoming the leader you’ll be remembered for
The longer I’ve been in leadership, the less interested I’ve become in trying to lead like someone else.
I’m much more interested in becoming the kind of leader people remember because of how they made others feel.
Someone who listened.
Someone who challenged when it mattered.
Someone who stayed true to their values.
Someone who celebrated other people’s success.
Someone who had the courage to speak up when it counted.
Perhaps that’s one of the greatest privileges of leadership.
We get to choose how people experience us.
And perhaps the leaders we admire most simply give us permission to become more of ourselves.
Finally
If you’ve followed these blogs for a while, you’ll know how much my coaching journey has shaped the way I think about leadership. It’s also the reason I’ve recently launched Leading in Practice Coaching and Consultancy Ltd.
I’m currently taking on a small number of executive and senior leaders who are looking for a confidential space to think, reflect and develop their leadership. If that sounds like something that would be valuable to you, check out my programmes and I’d be very happy to have a chat about it.